You Know You've Played Too Much Netrunner When ...

by Tod T. Fox and others
edited by Jens Kreutzer

Yes, there was a time when playing too much Netrunner was seen as a realistic prospect, unlike nowadays, when you're happy about each and every game you get away with. I've filched a humorous file compiled by Tod. T. Fox (posted to the Netrunner-L on August 6, 1996) from the archives and reprinted those contributions that have weathered the time best. I hope you still get a chuckle out of these, even if you've seen them before.

You know you've played too much Netrunner when ...

... if you forget your logon password, you reach into your pack and start looking for an Inside Job.

... the first thing you think of after placing a call to the help desk is how many bits you are going to risk on Social Engineering.

... every time you type "Department" in an inter-office memo, you consider adding "of Truth Enhancement."

... a political commentary on TV mentions a politician's agenda and you raise a suspicious eyebrow.

... you are going to the local ice-cream stand and wonder if you have enough bits to rez your ice-cream cone.

... you refer to pyramid schemes as Rigged Investments.

... you think of going to work as spending actions at your bit-gainer node.

... you try to pay for everything in small glass pebbles.

... you invest in an armored fridge.

... you're scoring 50 times a day, but not with your girlfriend.

... every time your modem drops carrier, you call the fire department.

... you calculate meat damage every time you see violence on TV.

... you start calling annoying people "weefle."

... you start to call your best friend Neal.

... you start to call your second best friend Wilson.

... you think Netscape will crash on a one on a die.

... if someone says "Excuse me - that's my beeper," you flinch.

... whenever little kids are playing tag, and one of them comes too near you, you shoot him.

... after eating a sufficient number of glass beads, you suddenly have the ability to lift small cars above your head.

... every time anyone in close vicinity to you rolls a three on a die, you begin to twitch and roll on the floor in agony.

... you rename your cat "Chimera."

... you rename your Dog "Cerberus."

... you start reading every card backwards (including baseball and Football cards) just to see how many of them have Larry Niven's name in them.

... you know the difference between a Daemon and a Demon.

... you rent Cinderella, and suffer 2 meat damage in addition to the 10 brain damage that one normally suffers from watching a Disney movie. And your VCR breaks.

... you stick your finger in a light socket to try and build up a resistance to "Net damage."

... the guy at the computer store asks you why you always call him Mantis.

... your dad asks you why you always call him Neal.

... your big brother asks you why you always call him Leland.

... you say "frack!" just a little too often.

... you know what A.P. stands for.

... you go to the City Hall basement closet every Thursday.

... you snicker silently to yourself as you hide a Butcher Boy in your safety deposit box at the bank.

... your wife asks you why you always throw away a certain number of glass beads whenever you flip pancakes.

... you put out a personal ad that says, simply, "Wanted: Technician Lover."

... you find the following absolutely hilarious: 000111, 0110110. 011001010, 110100010? 00111011101, 1110101100010!!!!

... when you wake up every morning, you have to rez your lymph nodes.

... there are not enough actions in the day for all you want to do.

Contributors:
Brian "SPOT" Dorricott
Chris Patterson
Chris Wagner a.k.a. Foolkiller
Hans-Juergen Wiesner
Mike Foster
MOAH
R. Hunter Gough
Terje Braaten
Tod T. Fox
Z